7/29/2011: It is not often I express joy. It is sentiment reserved at most for the mentally simple and the off-puttingly effeminate. But as I see the sun set and rise in the sky over and over, my smile grows. I watch the large clock in Ares’ American mansion spin ever forward. Every bell ringing brings another hour to death. That hour’s corpse becomes one more stone in my path to 30 July. I have had only words at my disposal thus far, and it angers me. The youngest and most foolish Ant of them all parades around in a rolling outhouse, staring at fields for some misguided inspiration. Even were our paths to cross before 30 July, Ares and Claudio tell me that violence is forbidden. There are different rules here in America. That is to say there are rules of any kind. This is not home, and this is not prime example of how we did settle affairs in past. I must not wring last short breaths from Apprentice Ant’s wispy neck. Not yet. But soon. Very soon.
To pass time quicker, I watch of history. Of Ants marching into the swamp of Reading to do battle. And I laugh. I see my friend Keita Yano take simplest technique and crush Green Ant’s arm to powder. I think of time ago to that day. I wait in halls to further cripple Gregory “Iron” in next fight. I remember silence, and then bursting doors and girlish screams. The Red Ant and The Soldier dragging their apprentice to car, while he screamed out to CHIKARA’s rotund doctor for help. I could see fear devour Green Ant that day. I knew he had no warrior heart.
Then Jakob shows me older film, from the dark ages before The BDK put its light upon CHIKARA. Another Ant, I have never known. In the same swamp of Reading. Hoisted high up by imbecile Chuck Taylor and brought down to his end. I don’t compliment easily, but I commend Chuck Taylor for that act. Without fear or doubt, he won his battle as warrior should. Then from curtains, emerges another Ant. This one, I know. Green Ant. Likely found the dead Ant a hero. Wanted to be that Ant. Soon, The Red Ant and The Soldier gave him what he wanted. He took the place of his fallen brother. And on 30 July, he meets same fate. In same swamp. But there will be no other Ant to pick him up or carry on his name. There will be but 2, and they will be gone soon enough.
Then, this. Where begins? New idol to you, American Ant. Man who inspired your stupid pilgrimage to bowels of USA. I know not of this man. But he believes in you, he say. Tell me, have you ever hit a someone with belief? Have you ever wrapped belief around a man’s neck and squeezed? No! So then I say what good is this fractured old man’s words to you? Will his infantile Christian god provide protection to you? Will the heinous flag you both drape yourself in carry you away just as I finally end this aggravation? Would he himself dare approach Tursas? I find all ends unlikely. It is more American tradition - presentations with no might to enforce. Empty words from an empty man to an empty Ant.
Make your peace, young Ant. I may loathe you and your kind, but I respect the process of death. Disperse possessions, share last meal with your closest allies, and ready yourself as never done prior. But never take eyes from time. As times brings me ever closer to what I seek, it pulls you away from what all you fight for. I make no promise as to the final state of your body form, but I will bring you death quickly if you submit. Expect from you that my words will not make heed in you. Expect from you worthless fight. Arms flailing against destiny much greater than even Tursas. Perhaps you will even bring your black magic steel bone to try to fight this end. But no magic or metal or merging of both can break destiny. Nor can they break Tursas.
7/28/2011: Sooooooo…I’m up to a Redbull count of 5 today and I wanna write a blog! A BLOG! I know i should probably hype up this weekend’s big time return of El Generico to CHIKARA, but the truth is, I ain’t in da mood - ya see we were left off CHIKARA`s big time midwest tour back in June, and while we ARE booked for these upcoming events, it’s in trios matches. So I wanna know what’s going on here? Is something up?
Don’t get me wrong - I am dying for the chance to knock Icarus’ teeth down his throat on Saturday in Reading. And the Spectral Envoy? The trio so many fans thought could win at KOT? I’m dying to take them out just to prove a point. I’m so excited for this weekend, I’ve got the shakes. But that might mean it’s time for Redbull # 6. What Big Magic is starting to wonder is - does someone not wanna see 3.0 get another title shot? Are tag teams afraid to face us? Maybe a certain championship team is a little worried about what happens when the Jag-man and I pick up three more points? I want competition, and I want some gold!
Johnny Kidd here. As my name might be new to some of you on the other side of the pond, I thought I’d take this opportunity to tell you a bit about myself.
I started as an amateur wrestler in 1974, when I had four years at Ampthill Amateur wrestling club in Bedfordshire. I was brought into professional wrestling by Ken Joyce, who was a former European Welterweight Wrestling champion (and later a promoter,) and he gave me my first pro job on one of his cards in Salisbury, Wiltshire in October of 1978. Then, I was given more work by Joint Promotions, who at the time were the biggest wrestling office in all of England, and had the television contract with ITV.
I was fortunate enough to appear 24 times on the “World of Sport” wrestling television programme. My first time on television was in 1981, and my last was the final show on British television in 1988 before wrestling was taken from the screens here in England. Although “World of Sport” continued, the wrestling portion of the programme was discontinued. My first televised matches were against Jim Breaks, Johnny Saint and Mick McManus. And as many CHIKARA fans will know, I am wrestling Johnny Saint on Saturday the 30th of July in Reading.
I’m looking forward to this, as not only will it be a chance to wrestle one of the finest wrestlers that Britain has ever produced, I get to wrestle in the United States for the very first time and hope to show the CHIKARA fans some of the skill and technique that British audiences know us for. Our style is quite different from the standard American fare.
Also it gives me the chance to renew my acquaintance with Mike Quackenbush for the first time since we met in Germany a couple of years ago, and spent a few hours chatting over our tea about wrestling both in England, and the USA. Mike I found to have a great feel for the British style of wrestling and there’s a little bit of Ken Joyce in what he does. Colt is much the same, but I see in him little traces of Rollerball. Having been in the ring with these men of class and calibre, I have no doubt we will give the famous fans of Philadelphia a match to remember. For me, the weekend of July 30th/31st can’t come quick enough…look forward to seeing you all there!
7/26/2011: Sometimes I wonder if play-by-play announcers in wrestling even understand what the meaning of the word “disgusting” is. It’s a low, visceral feeling that wells up through your gut into the back of your throat. That’s how I feel every time I hear someone say that you were a better Young Lions Cup champion than me, Hallowicked. It fuels my desire to destroy your legacy and replace it with my own that much more. Don’t worry though, there’s no need to get your mask all in a bunch and do a full-circle evaluation to figure out who had the greatest reign.
Back in 2002 Hallowicked, you had rookie intensity, but no mastery. Wasn’t your fault, though. CHIKARA was a different beast back then. The competition was thin and weak. You never had the talent to combat what I did when I held that Cup. Then after your cake walk was over, you spent your twilight years mired in meaningless feuds and losing treasured friends to the BDK. Not me, not Tim Donst! No, I took a last sip from that Cup and I travelled the world, crafted my ENGLISH SPEAKING interviews and put on some of the best matches this company has ever seen!
Once I’ve finally put you in your place, I’ll reserve a page for you in my memoir. Who wants to be forgotten about and replaced? But Woody! That’s not all is it? I’ve gone from the stunt double to the leading man, I’ve toured Osaka Pro, I’ve survived in a business that ate up my peers and spat ‘em out like watermelon seeds. Where’s Hydra? Or Lince Dorado? Or Amasis? They couldn’t hang with the best. Ask freakin’ Daniel Bryan! I am professional wrestling. I am professional wrestling’s finest and there’s no way for me to be more humble because there’s no words to describe how good I truly am! On the mic, in the ring I’m the best. Not you, Hallowicked. And not your little freak sidekick - “the most defending Young Lions Cup champ in history.” Gimme a break. I beat Frightmare when I was champ! Did he ever beat me?
If I wasn’t so mature at such a young age, you’d probably be getting under my skin Hallowicked. You pinned me in the Golden Dream match. You defeated me and my team back in Williamsport. Worst of all, you ambushed me and caused me to lose in just 4 seconds to some washed up nobody! And my scrapbook…my highly respected, pricey, long-serving, artistically innovative scrapbook. I can barely type the words out. I loved that scrapbook. That was my legacy you tried to rip to shreds.
You’re going to suffer, Hallowicked. I’m going to hurt you. I’m going to hit you where it really hurts. And then, once you’ve paid my price, I’m going to end this. You’ll wish you’d never entered that tournament back in 2002. When all is said and done, I will stand over top of you and drink from my Cup - I’ll drink to whatever is left of you to be scraped off the canvas.
7/25/2011: These are dark daysss for the Osirian Portal. Not just the terrible accident involving the Pharoah of Funk Amasisss, but now a wrestling injury will force me to the sssidelines as well. While competing in New Jersey a few weeks ago, I injured my jaw, but until seeing a doctor, I had no idea the damage that had been done. My jaw has been fractured in two placesss.
I will spend the next 30 days with my mouth wired shut.
This leaves me with no choice but to forfeit my ssscheduled match with Icarus at our upcoming Philadelphia event. These are two points I cannot afford to walk away from, but I am left with no real alternative. Enjoy that forfeit win, Icarus, it is the only way you could have picked up those points anyway.
I also want to appeal to Wink Vavassssseur, the Director of Fun here at CHIKARA. Once I have a clean bill of health, I am looking to do more than just win Block A in the 12 Large: Summit. The Birdman - Hieracon - and I need to get on the scoreboard toward a tag team title shot as well. The Osirian Portal should be draped in gold, and together, I know Hieracon and I can do Amasis proud!
7/22/2011: Poor Dasher Hatfield. I cannot help but pity an adversary so desperate for acceptance from CHIKARA’s crème de la crème that, when pitted against him, his only response is to shower said crème with compliments. Has the once-notoriously-quarrelsome Hatfield family fallen so far that this is their mightiest heir? My only hope is that the McCoys have fared better.
How would history have remembered David had he stood across the field of battle from the Philistines, slingshot in hand, lauding over Goliath’s fair complexion and olive coloring? Imagine Dr. Watson dramatically rushing back to Reichenbach Falls at the end of “The Final Problem” to find Sherlock Holmes and Professor Moriarty doting over one another.
The attempted flattery in question took place only hours ago when the sad-sack Mr. Hatfield called me, Archibald Peck, and my lovely bandmate, Veronica, “pansies” in some sordid internet television transmission. A simple dictionary inquiry into the term yielded the following result:
Pan•sy noun 'pan-ze\: a garden plant (Viola wittrockiana) derived chiefly from the hybridization of the European Johnny-jump-up (Viola tricolor) with other wild violets; also: its flower.
As an indubitable gentleman, I must first thank Mr. Hatfield on behalf of both Veronica and myself. While I refute certain nuances of the assertion, I appreciate the sentiment. Further, I can understand how the mind of a simpleton might identify the base resemblances between March Madness and pansies. Both are adorned in striking violet hues and smell of a spring garden. (Indeed, one popular soap manufacturer is currently developing the new scent “Peckpourri.” Be on the lookout for this and other exciting March Madness toiletries, soon to be at a general store near you!)
But, between the two of us, Veronica is much more the pansy than I – beautiful and innocent. My floral analogue is more a rose in full bloom – beauteous and ambrosial but obstreperous to any gardener with a hoe to grind. For his own sake, I suggest Mr. Hatfield approaches our forthcoming encounter heeding the words of modern-day sage, Bret Michaels:
7/21/2011: The last time I competed in CHIKARA was way back in 2007. Things were a lot different then. I was nineteen years old; excited, eager to wrestle and learn from some of the best wrestlers in the world, like Sara Del Rey and Daizee Haze.
The thing about being the best in the world, though, is that the next generation will always be way more awesome. I’m sure people in 1985 thought original Nintendo was pretty cool, but here in 2011, we’re all sporting three-dimensional video game/telephone/video chat/teleporting machines that blow those ancient 8-bit machines out of the water.
For those of you missing my genius metaphor, allow me to spell it out for you: I am not just super awesome, but the absolute best female wrestler around. On July 30th in Reading, PA, I return to CHIKARA to team with Tsukasa Fujimoto of Ice Ribbon and the legendary Mima Shimoda. And on that day, Daizee Haze, Sara Del Rey, and everyone else, will realize that I’m younger than them, faster than them, better than them, the one deserving of more respect than them. And yes…way more awesome than they ever could ever hope to be.
7/19/2011: I went through a lot of training to become a great leader, and each day I aspire to be nothing short of that: being a great leader. I have led the Bruderschaft to many things, and within record time, we dominated every aspect of CHIKARA. After reaching the top so quickly, and spreading fear and confusion among all of CHIKARA’s ranks, I decided to take a step back and attend to other business. Make no mistake however, a good leader does not have to physically hold the hands of his subordinates, or smack those very hands, as the situation dictates. All of this can be done very well from a distance, too. Provided that you are a great leader.
Also, a lot of people think that one of the upcoming matches will hurt the BDK, regardless of its outcome. You know which clash I am talking about. People say the BDK is starting to get divided, and the confrontation between Claudio Castagnoli and Sara Del Rey on July 31 in Philadelphia is just another step toward a dark future for the Bruderschaft. I will share a little secret with you though. Sometimes a little clash between two different views within one group is EXACTLY the right thing.
I have fought many battles alongside Claudio, and our mindsets are always aligned. I trust him with anything. He and I think alike in that we agree that some…elements of the Bruderschaft need a chance to…adjust their attitude.
Let me try to be as diplomatic as my temper allows. Maybe there was a misunderstanding in the past. Maybe some elements of the group got blended by the initial success and their new found acceptance within the Bruderschaft. Maybe people aren’t as strong and loyal as they made me believe they were. Some might have started to forget the big picture, the path I had laid before each and every one of them. As a great leader I knew it needed sacrifices from everyone to bring the group as a whole to a new level of success. And even the most weak-minded seemed to have understood that in the past.
But exactly two people have, temporarily, been forgetting where they stand. They forget that the Bruderschaft gave them the opportunities that were otherwise outside their grasp at CHIKARA. These two should recall what needs to be done to not only protect the group, but also protect themselves. The two people need not be named, you know who they are…they know who they are. And they also know what to do to get back on the path of the light, success, dominance. This is one final appeal to common sense: know your place within the clockwork. Your allegiance is not optional.
7/14/2011: Some things never change: you can’t stop the inevitable, and what is meant to be will be…my tag team partner, Sara Del Rey, has always been one of the best, not just in CHIKARA, but in the world. Even when we were on opposite sides of the fence, I knew how talented she was. She can compete with the best of ‘em - male or female.
I know it, she knows it, and the world knows it. No one can deny it. She’s proven it time and again against snakes, ants, ice cream clowns, cows and cats that she is one of the strongest, toughest, hardest-kicking, hardest-slamming wrestlers of this generation.
Together as a team, we’ve proven that we can take on anyone that stands in our way, when given the opportunity to do so. We’ve destroyed competitors, collected our 3 points and earned title shots, but were denied the chance to test our skills against the champs by Claudio and Ares. They didn’t think that was our “place.” But we deserve recognition, Del Rey deserves recognition, and we look out for each other.
So, despite what we were told, I took it upon myself to vote Sara into the 12 Large: Summit round robin, where she will dominate. She will bring our team the thing that we’ve always deserved: gold. Even though it won’t be the tag team gold that we never fairly got our shot at…it’s still gold. CHIKARA gives us the chance to compete regardless of gender or weight class - so I voted to give Sara a chance to compete for the biggest prize of all.
A wildly famous Nickelodeon game show once asked “Do you have it?”
Now, your very favorite moderately famous wrestling organization is asking the same thing! CHIKARA is always looking for its next star, and we will look no further than our upcoming Open Challenge in Easton, PA on Sunday, August 28th!
Our previous Open Challenges have drawn out impressive throngs of talent, but never has the opportunity level been so enormous! This go-around, we are seeking experienced professionals with fun personalities, and the prize has never been more prestigious! The winner of this Open Challenge will perform on that afternoon’s live event! Some of the best and brightest from all over the world pine to compete under the CHIKARA banner, and if you’ve had at least 10 professional matches, YOU have the chance to make it happen, captain*! So get yourself qualified, and you have the chance to compete on one of the grandest CHIKARA stages of all: Young Lions Cup IX weekend!